Kissing the Hands that Molest You


I do not and will not fly, so I can’t speak from personal observation. But those of you who brave aviation’s horrors tell me that the last thing the TSA’s thugs need are more calories. They’re obese, you say, and often disgustingly so, not just incompetent, vindictive and depraved.

So you’ll doubtless be as incredulous as I to learn that your fellow victims are feeding these worthless whales and butterballs. Yes. And not carrot sticks, either, but “cheeseburgers, vegetarian burgers, fries, chicken sandwiches and wings and salads”—the last no doubt smothered in dressing and croutons.

Behold the triumph of public education and the mainstream media: they have so dumbed us down that Americans feel sorry for Thieves and Sexual Assailants “working” without pay during the government’s shutdown.

Astounding, isn’t it? The passengers these unconscionable imbeciles abuse as potential terrorists, the ones they “search up your thighs and between your legs until we meet resistance,” whose “crotchal areas” they grope while stealing their iPads and cash, now pity their assailants.

And why? Not because outraged citizens have taken to horsewhipping them. Nor are they dying in droves from their carcinogenic porno-scanners. Neither has the Almighty finally wearied of their evil and afflicted them with “emerods” (oh, please, oh, please! From my fingers to God’s ears!). Rather, they bleed for these parasites because the shutdown has delayed their ill-gotten gain, a.k.a. paychecks.

That’s right: despite the sob-stories about “unpaid” bureaucrats, whether at the TSA or elsewhere, the bloodsuckers will receive their cut of our taxes as usual. Congress voted as it always does during a shutdown to compensate them once Trump or the Democrats blink. Meanwhile, if the stalemate “is making it difficult for TSA agents and other federal employees” because they “aren’t sure how they are going to pay their bills,” hooray! Maybe they’ll quit their absurd and offensive make-work and leave us in peace.

Tragically, though, Americans are so supine, so devoid of sense, self-respect, and decency, that they’re easing the rewards of collaborating with Leviathan. Restaurateurs across the country treat said quislings to discounted meals, boxed lunches and free breakfasts, though you can bet the TSA’s prey still pay full price. What, taxes aren’t high enough? Food banks have opened their doors (a word to wise donors: ask before you contribute whether the recipients are Thieves and Sexual Assailants). “[A] nonprofit agency … that provides diapers to needy families, offered to …’provide diapers or hygiene items…’.” I must admit that the diapers are just oh-so-appropriate.

Adding insult to injury, airports are hosting “‘appreciation luncheon[s]’ honoring TSA officers … ‘We thank our federal partners for their continued service to keep our airport safe!’” That means you’re footing the bill, Mr. and Ms. Taxpayer: municipal or state governments own virtually all commercial airports.

Even those we might assume are least likely to misplace their empathy—”travelers” at the very scenes of the TSA’s crimes—”are offering screeners gift cards, chocolates and other tokens of appreciation. … Scattered through the agency’s @askTSA Twitter feed are messages of encouragement and appreciation. More than a few travelers offered to express their support with cards and gifts of home-baked cookies.” One 15-year-old lickspittle bought twenty pizzas for them. But then the teen has an affinity for perverts: she was “a 2018 Youth Ambassador for the LGBTQ community.

The fawning is so bad that a couple of commies in the New York Slimes urge “airport workers [sic for ‘sponges’]” to illegally “declare a strike” because they’ll “attract fervent community support. Even travelers who have a hard time believing that the key to air safety lies in their shoes or laptop are likely to listen…” And the TSA’s union, hardly a hotbed of thanksgiving, gushes about the “enormous support from the public.” The agency itself “want[s] to echo the sentiments of industry, the traveling public and TSA leadership who are proud of and thankful for the more than 51,000 officers across the country who remain focused on the mission. We are humbled by the acts of kindness and support from industry and the public, who clearly recognize and admire our officers’ efforts.” Quick: hand me a barf-bag.

“Humbled,” but not by their beatings of survivors of cancer, their strip-searches of grandmothers, the handicapped little girls they’ve tormented to tears, or the thousands of forgetful folks whose lives they’ve ruined. Everlasting shame on you, John Q.: only victims but never their persecutors merit your “kindness and support.”

Then again, the TSA lies about everything, all the time. Equally damnable, the media that “fact-checks” The Donald’s most casual comments publishes whatever whoppers the TSA invents. So I’d wager that the “kindness and support” isn’t nearly as stirring as the agency, its union, and the press allege. That trio wants us to believe that the normal, healthy response to totalitarianism is groveling gratitude. Baloney. I’ll thank the TSA for slaughtering our liberty when gazelles thank hyenas.

What boot-licking does exist probably arises from the notion that the TSA protects flights. True enough, if we define “danger” as yogurt, family-sized tubes of toothpaste, shampoo, salsa, soups, and snow globes. But does the TSA guard us from actual peril? Nope. Not only has it never snared a single terrorist, it also fails to detect a stunning 95% of the weapons undercover agents sneak through checkpoints. Yet brainwashed, fearful, infantile Americans insist that only the TSA prevents planes from exploding mid-flight.

Unfortunately, infuriatingly, and mysteriously, the TSA’s chief deviant, David Pekoske, has lavished another $25,500,000 of our money on the gate-rapists. It seems that cryptic, “unique authorities provided TSA in law” allow a bonus of $500 each to the 51,000 degenerates at checkpoints. Pekoske “hope[s] these actions alleviate some of the financial hardship many of you are facing,” though he “realize[s] this is not what you are owed for your hard work … and what you deserve,’”

I think we can all agree on that.


  1. What I DO know is that more TSA agents have been caught stealing from passengers than they’ve caught terrorist!!! FACT!
    Other than providing former secretary Chernoff with an income from the toxic x ray machines, the whole kitten kaboodle ain’t worth a tinkers damn. As with “shutdowns” like these, we learn employees who are TRULY NOT essential…and they have the hubris to start a sick out! Do! Now we know we can do w/o ‘cha!

  2. This what Congress does every time it votes to give money to Israel. Those stupid traitors have Stockholm Syndrome and don’t know it. Furthermore, the Zionists are the ones who invented the TSA, and they own the U.S. Congress. They’ve succeeded in turning Congress into a gazing stock.

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